[Update July 20: I have come to the decision that before God and all readers here, I regret writing this piece. It was poor judgment at the end of an unusually stressful week. The error I made was in forgetting the breadth of the audience that would read it. I know that Christians who read New Atheist or other Internet atheist sources regularly will recognize what’s going on in this parody, because we’ve experienced the things this piece is lampooning. I should have recognized that we would be the only ones likely to recognize it. Atheists would say, “that’s a poor representation of atheism,” and they would be right. I tried to head that off through my disclaimer at the end of the piece, but it was inadequate for that purpose.
Ordinary Seeker commented below that this was a polarizing piece. I think it was, for the reasons I’ve just stated. I won’t remove it, since I can’t erase history that way, but I will express my regrets and apologies.]
Yes, this is a parody piece. Enjoy.
I’ve been forced, reluctantly, to the conclusion that atheists are smarter than Christians. They know lots of important things about life.
- Atheists know that dead people stay dead. Religious people in the first century didn’t have the benefit of modern science so they didn’t know that was so. Christians twenty centuries later are still just as confused.
- Atheists know that virgins don’t have kids. Religious people in the first century had a teensy little gap in their scientific knowledge there, too.
- Atheists can count to 2. They know that 1 angel at the tomb is one less than 2 angels. Christians can’t count that high, so it’s never occurred to us something might need some ‘splaining in the Resurrection accounts.
- Atheists know there’s no evidence for faith because there’s no evidence for faith. Christians can’t seem to catch on to how simple that is.
- Atheists know that Christians believe whatever we’re told to believe. Christians have been told to believe that’s not true.
- Atheists know lots of other things Christians don’t know, but since I’m a Christian I don’t know what they are. (I had to use one of their Internet cheat sheets to help me figure out this much.)
And yes, there are atheists, unbelievably enough, who think Christians are this ignorant of life and our own beliefs. It’s not all atheists. I don’t know how many they are. I do know that I don’t need to provide links to atheists who say these things about Christianity. You can find the sources yourself in a few seconds on Bing or Google.