Some Things I Don't Understand

I started writing this blog entry on August 28, long before my sister's accident yesterday. I lay awake in bed last night thinking that I have a lot more to say about this now. The part I had written originally is between the rows of asterisks. I had already alluded to differences between brothers' and sisters' lives, and it was Kathy that I had in mind.

I knew I could extent this list indefinitely, so I was saving it for more to be added. Now I think I'll add just a couple more things and go ahead and post it.

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There's an effect that comes with a medium like blogging: if you choose to write, you'll probably choose to write about things you know about. Or at least think you know about. The long-term effect is that you always show your confident side. The rest of who-you-are doesn't show up the way it does in real life and relationships. Now, I tell my wife, "I don't know" at least once a day, except on the days when I say, "Boy, do I wish I had a clue!" Most of the time that's about raising our kids--I don't have near the wisdom as a parent that I could wish for. But there are many, many things that are closer to my usual topics here that I also do not understand. Here are some of them.

I have a lot of hard questions about good and evil, even though I have a pretty good sense of the general philosophical arguments. I can see how God can have morally adequate reasons to permit evil. But I don't understand how some people get chosen to suffer more than others. There are differences from one global region to another, and differences from brother to sister. I'm sure God is wise enough to sort it out, but I'm not.

I can't imagine what it was like to be a parent to a perfect child: Jesus, son of Mary, step-son of Joseph, son of God. I can't imagine what it would be like to grow up with him. Did his (half) brothers and sisters ever say, "You think you're so perfect!" How did he answer?

I'm sure God was the creative agent for all the universe and all of life. I'm confident he spoke the worlds into existence, and no other mechanism of causation was needed. I'm sure he guided the development of life. But I don't pretend to know how he did that.

I don't know why some people receive God's grace and others don't. Yes, there is personal choice involved, but I'm sure that's not the whole story.

I don't know to what degree a homosexual orientation is inherited, how much is the result of early environment, how much is a current result of earlier personal choices, and how much is current personal choice. (Regardless of the answers to that, I'm sure--since he said it clearly--that it's not God's will for that orientation to be expressed in behavior. In that way it's not unlike any of the wrong proclivities we have: the source of the inclination doesn't define whether it's right or wrong.)

I don't know how God could love me so much when I have not been (to say the least!) consistent in returning the favor.

I know heaven will be terrific--and not at all just playing a harp on a cloud. But I wonder what it will really be like.

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I am sure God knows what he's doing and he's doing it in love. I'm confident he has a sense of direction for each of his children. As I said, though, I wonder how some people get chosen to carry so much more pain than others. Kathy probably cannot remember a healthy day in her 50+ years of life; if she can it was only up to about age 8 or so. She has endured two lifelong, chronic, disfiguring and debilitating diseases, one of which cost her most of her right leg when she was 18. There have been many other issues. She has almost died several times, the first when she was 12 years old.

I don't know why she has had to carry such a load. I don't know how God has worked in her life to enable her to do it--but clearly he has. She is a model of grace and of perseverance, even of joy. Her faith in Jesus Christ is unshakeable, even though she, too, often says she doesn't understand why this happens to her. I say I don't know how God has done this in her because even though I understand the Scriptural teaching on it, I don't think anyone really understands except the person who has experienced it.

Same for my dad. On the phone this morning I asked how he was handling her accident, and he said, "I've had too much practice." I started to illustrate that with a list of the medical trials and near-deaths his wife (my mom) and their kids, grandkids, and great-grandkids have suffered; but it got too long and I don't want to inflict that on you. I'll briefly mention just one of them: in the summer of 1978, I spent 69 days in the hospital. I know now that Mom and Dad bore a harder load than I that summer. But even when Mom died last summer, even while he was genuine expressing his grief (not faking at all), he remained a strong leader of the extended family. He would say first of all it's his faith in Christ (along with "too much practice") that keeps him going.

Why do some people get picked out for this? God never said he was going to give everyone equal treatment. How he makes those decisions, though, is a mystery.

By the way--Dad called early this morning to say Kathy was progressing better than expected. We still have reasonable hope for a full recovery. And we have strong reason to believe that whatever happens, Jesus Christ lives and loves and cares for us (see the related post this morning).

Posted: Mon - September 3, 2007 at 08:57 AM |

Thinking Christian by Tom Gilson getCategoryName("<$CategoryUUID$>");

Some Things I Don't Understand

Thinking Christian by Tom Gilson