Marriage or cohabitation--does it really make a difference?

Many today choose cohabitation over marriage, saying that "a marriage license is just a piece of paper." Not so...

The University of Warwick has found that the happier you are, the happier your partner is--but only if you are married to your partner. The same thing does not apply to cohabiting partners (living together unmarried).

This emotional connection in marriage is strong. A 30% increase in one partner's life satisfaction score can increase his or her spouse's happiness as much as not spending two months in the hospital. Connections of that magnitude are rare in psychological and social research.

The Bible says , "the two shall become one flesh." God intended marriage to be a really tight connection.

This brings to mind a rather bizarre experience I had not long after I got married. I was in an airport bookshop in Santa Ana, California. (I was probably laying up reserves--chocolate bars--for the flight ahead.) A man approached me; he had what I call the "California creative" look--totally hip, with a tight black t-shirt and lots of jewelry, looking like he was in the entertainment industry or at least wanted that image. He waved a magazine at me--Playboy, Penthouse or one of those--and said, "You ought to get one of these."

Now, this doesn't happen every day. You don't often see men willing to buy such magazines in public, much less hawking them to strangers. So I was caught off guard. I said, "No, thanks." He was persistent: "You don't know what you're missing." I answered, "I don't need it, I'm happily married." And that was it.

Well, like I said, I was off guard. My last answer was certainly true, but here's what I wish I had said instead:

"No--you don't understand what you're missing. You're getting off on a fantasy with a two-dimensional piece of paper. I'm married to a woman who has promised to give her entire love to me for her entire life, and I'm committed to her the same way. When I love my wife, it's my whole person with her whole person, nothing held back; and it's not just a few minutes in the sack, either, it's our whole lives. You think you have something good there? You have no idea!"

Marriage is like that--at least it can be. I know that not all experience it that way, but my wife and I are proof it can happen (with a great deal of work; we're hardly perfect). There's a whole-person freedom in a strong covenant marriage that cohabiting could never have, in spite of its other supposed freedoms, because permanence and commitment are not in the deal.

God knew what he was doing when he designed a man and a woman to share life together in marriage.

Posted: Wed - March 23, 2005 at 06:56 AM |

Thinking Christian by Tom Gilson getCategoryName("<$CategoryUUID$>");

Marriage or cohabitation--does it really make a difference?

Thinking Christian by Tom Gilson